Who I thought was my knight in shining armor, turned out to be just another guy who doesn't know what he wants. Who I thought was a great guy and possible soul mate, turned out to be a guy who still isn't ready for a serious relationship. And who I thought could be a best friend, who I could hang out with, turned out to be someone who will always be more of a stranger.
If I were to give this guy a new title, changing it from The Gentleman, I would change it to "It's Not You, It's Me" guy. As it turned out he was too busy to have a girlfriend, a reality that I had to point out to him myself. Aside from the first two dates, I was the initiator of the next two times we saw each other, with him never mentioning when he wanted to see me or when he would see me next. Wait, hold that thought. He did promise to invite me over on a Sunday afternoon and when we went out last Thursday, asked to see me on Saturday, then completely forgot we even had the conversations.
The reason he never asked me out was because he spends a lot of time with his friends and mom and sporting events. So I've come realize something...if a guy would rather hang out with his friends than a woman, then he's not that interested. If a guy spends a lot of time with his mom, she'll probably hate me for taking him away from her. And if a guy is a sports fanatic, unless I become one too I'll never see him anyway.
Adding onto the male bonding, oedipus complex and sports fixation he also has decent number of gay tendencies. Each one alone means nothing, but them all added together could look suspicious to a blind man. He likes to clothes shop so he dresses well. He not only likes to decorate, but is good at it. He likes to dance. He keeps his living space neat and tidy and likes to keep things organized. He has a gay best friend who he has frequented gay bars with and participiated in few drag shows, in which he was runner up both times.
So as you can see, in this case the cliche of "it's not you, it's me" really does apply. Although I am hurt that it didn't work out, and believe beyond a reasonable doubt that if he wasn't so busy, it wouldn't have worked out anyway. I now know that I'll never go back, because I never go back. It's a rule I made for myself years ago, and I've never broken it.
We have now agreed to be friends, but that is all up to him.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
The True Gentleman
This is not a story of a dating disaster. This is a story of how quite possibly there is a point to all the disappointment, suffering, heart-ache and lonely nights I have endured this year. Perhaps the reason why I had to "kiss" so many "frogs" was so that I would truly appreciate and know when someone worthy of my attention and affection, came along. I believe I may have found such a person.
This story began two weeks ago. I decided to sign in to a popular online dating site, which I had neglected for the past two months. I had found myself reading enormous amounts of romance novels, wishing I could find someone who would have that much passion for me like the men in the novels had for their women. On Sunday night, May 30th I began searching through profiles of local men. I found two that sparked my interest and sent "winks" to both them. Within the evening I had received "winks" back from both, showing interest. I then emailed both of them. I heard back from Jay first, with a short message telling me to add him on IM. I did the next day, or thought I had, but a few days later I had a request to be added from him. We talked in the afternoon on Friday over IM, and when I was about to leave work, was surprised when he asked to meet me that evening for a drink. I agreed and we quickly arranged when and where to meet.
I didn't have high hopes going into the date. Obviously I hadn't had great luck so far this year so what was going to make this night any different? The odds were stacked against me, also his picture wasn't as impressive as the other guy's and so far all I'd talked to him about was his job...and remembering a comment he'd made that made me think he was a little cocky by saying perhaps he was the one I'd been looking for. Maybe someone else would have found it romantic but my cyncism got the best of me and the only thing I could think of was, "Probably not", although I didn't say it.
Since I hadn't been on a date since the snow had melted I decided to wear a dress. It was a black cotton v-neck dress, that I knew I'd not only impress with, but I would also feel completely comfortable in, even if the date turned out to be a dud. And unlike all my previous dates this year where I showed up about 10 min early, wearing a sweater and jeans, I decided to let the guy wait for me this time, after all waiting to see Mr Right walk into the room hadn't worked so far, may as well change it up.
I walked into the restaurant and was directed towards the bar area, where we had agreed to meet. I looked around the bar in a swift glance and saw mostly couples...except for one lonely guy in the button down white shirt and jeans, at the end of the bar, who looked like he could resemble my date. I took a deep breath and started walking towards him, hoping he'd look better than his picture, but preparing for him to look worse, as most of them do.
He turned towards me as I walked in his direction, and he questionably called my name. As I walked closer I was delighted to find he looked better than his picture. He got off his stool and came over to greet me, and then led me out to the patio to sit (I knew people were supposed to wait to be seated at any other place than the bar, but after a brief question of whether we should be seating ourselves, I decided to go with it).
From the first moment we sat down we hit it off. My other dates that I thought had gone well, but turned out to be one-sided, were not half as good as this date turned out to be. Conversation flowed and before we knew it we'd been there a few hours. We'd ordered a shrimp appetizer after realizing we both loved seafood and talked about a wide variety of topics. When it became chilly we decided to go hang out as his new house, and kept things platonic while we watched a DVD of stand-up comedian Dane Cook and sang the theme song to "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air" together.
He acted like a gentleman, opening doors for me and actually sounding interestd in what I had to say. He was funny, yet kind...and when I went over to hang out with him the next night to watch a movie...he continued to show what a great person he was. I found that unlike the other guys who maybe had a house, great job, a dog, lots of friends...etc, they didn't have what I really liked about this guy, whichw as character. He displayed the characteristics he reported to have on his profile such as romantic, trustworthy, dependable, loyal, honest...all things the others desperately lacked.
So, although I have only had two dates with him, talked with him over IM sparingly throughout the week and then saw for a little bit on Friday, I feel like I've known him longer, and that if he continues to do what he says he'll do and expresses himself as he's done...this could turn out to be something wonderful.
This story began two weeks ago. I decided to sign in to a popular online dating site, which I had neglected for the past two months. I had found myself reading enormous amounts of romance novels, wishing I could find someone who would have that much passion for me like the men in the novels had for their women. On Sunday night, May 30th I began searching through profiles of local men. I found two that sparked my interest and sent "winks" to both them. Within the evening I had received "winks" back from both, showing interest. I then emailed both of them. I heard back from Jay first, with a short message telling me to add him on IM. I did the next day, or thought I had, but a few days later I had a request to be added from him. We talked in the afternoon on Friday over IM, and when I was about to leave work, was surprised when he asked to meet me that evening for a drink. I agreed and we quickly arranged when and where to meet.
I didn't have high hopes going into the date. Obviously I hadn't had great luck so far this year so what was going to make this night any different? The odds were stacked against me, also his picture wasn't as impressive as the other guy's and so far all I'd talked to him about was his job...and remembering a comment he'd made that made me think he was a little cocky by saying perhaps he was the one I'd been looking for. Maybe someone else would have found it romantic but my cyncism got the best of me and the only thing I could think of was, "Probably not", although I didn't say it.
Since I hadn't been on a date since the snow had melted I decided to wear a dress. It was a black cotton v-neck dress, that I knew I'd not only impress with, but I would also feel completely comfortable in, even if the date turned out to be a dud. And unlike all my previous dates this year where I showed up about 10 min early, wearing a sweater and jeans, I decided to let the guy wait for me this time, after all waiting to see Mr Right walk into the room hadn't worked so far, may as well change it up.
I walked into the restaurant and was directed towards the bar area, where we had agreed to meet. I looked around the bar in a swift glance and saw mostly couples...except for one lonely guy in the button down white shirt and jeans, at the end of the bar, who looked like he could resemble my date. I took a deep breath and started walking towards him, hoping he'd look better than his picture, but preparing for him to look worse, as most of them do.
He turned towards me as I walked in his direction, and he questionably called my name. As I walked closer I was delighted to find he looked better than his picture. He got off his stool and came over to greet me, and then led me out to the patio to sit (I knew people were supposed to wait to be seated at any other place than the bar, but after a brief question of whether we should be seating ourselves, I decided to go with it).
From the first moment we sat down we hit it off. My other dates that I thought had gone well, but turned out to be one-sided, were not half as good as this date turned out to be. Conversation flowed and before we knew it we'd been there a few hours. We'd ordered a shrimp appetizer after realizing we both loved seafood and talked about a wide variety of topics. When it became chilly we decided to go hang out as his new house, and kept things platonic while we watched a DVD of stand-up comedian Dane Cook and sang the theme song to "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air" together.
He acted like a gentleman, opening doors for me and actually sounding interestd in what I had to say. He was funny, yet kind...and when I went over to hang out with him the next night to watch a movie...he continued to show what a great person he was. I found that unlike the other guys who maybe had a house, great job, a dog, lots of friends...etc, they didn't have what I really liked about this guy, whichw as character. He displayed the characteristics he reported to have on his profile such as romantic, trustworthy, dependable, loyal, honest...all things the others desperately lacked.
So, although I have only had two dates with him, talked with him over IM sparingly throughout the week and then saw for a little bit on Friday, I feel like I've known him longer, and that if he continues to do what he says he'll do and expresses himself as he's done...this could turn out to be something wonderful.
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