If He's Just Texting You...

A Few Things I Have Learned About Texters:
(men specifically)

1. If he only texts you, it means he doesn't want to waste actual minutes on you

2. If he is willing to argue with you for an hour and a half over texting, but claims he's too busy to call you to have an actual conversation - he's not only inconsiderate of you, but he's not thinking about whoever he's "busy" with either.

3. If he only texts you after midnight, and is always drunk when he does so, he's not viewing you as a long-term relationship.

4. If you've told him time and time again not to contact you after a certain time, and he contacts you anyways, he obviously doesn't respect you, and probably never will.

5. If he doesn't respond to your phone calls, and only your texts - he doesn't consider you an actual human being and would prefer to imagine you as non-human as possible.

Now, I'm not getting down on texters. I do some texting myself, but it is to send a quick declarative statement or a simple question. I do not send out texts with open ended questions that could lead to conversation. Talking on the phone vs. texting is just as distracting to me as it is to the people around me. If you want a conversation call. If you don't have time to call don't ask the long questions. The person on the other end may feel like they're being short-changed and like you don't care. You might as well just send the text saying "I don't care enough about you to call so I'm texting you instead."

Happy Endings Are For Stories That Haven't Finished Yet

Who I thought was my knight in shining armor, turned out to be just another guy who doesn't know what he wants. Who I thought was a great guy and possible soul mate, turned out to be a guy who still isn't ready for a serious relationship. And who I thought could be a best friend, who I could hang out with, turned out to be someone who will always be more of a stranger.

If I were to give this guy a new title, changing it from The Gentleman, I would change it to "It's Not You, It's Me" guy. As it turned out he was too busy to have a girlfriend, a reality that I had to point out to him myself. Aside from the first two dates, I was the initiator of the next two times we saw each other, with him never mentioning when he wanted to see me or when he would see me next. Wait, hold that thought. He did promise to invite me over on a Sunday afternoon and when we went out last Thursday, asked to see me on Saturday, then completely forgot we even had the conversations.
The reason he never asked me out was because he spends a lot of time with his friends and mom and sporting events. So I've come realize something...if a guy would rather hang out with his friends than a woman, then he's not that interested. If a guy spends a lot of time with his mom, she'll probably hate me for taking him away from her. And if a guy is a sports fanatic, unless I become one too I'll never see him anyway.

Adding onto the male bonding, oedipus complex and sports fixation he also has decent number of gay tendencies. Each one alone means nothing, but them all added together could look suspicious to a blind man. He likes to clothes shop so he dresses well. He not only likes to decorate, but is good at it. He likes to dance. He keeps his living space neat and tidy and likes to keep things organized. He has a gay best friend who he has frequented gay bars with and participiated in few drag shows, in which he was runner up both times.

So as you can see, in this case the cliche of "it's not you, it's me" really does apply. Although I am hurt that it didn't work out, and believe beyond a reasonable doubt that if he wasn't so busy, it wouldn't have worked out anyway. I now know that I'll never go back, because I never go back. It's a rule I made for myself years ago, and I've never broken it.

We have now agreed to be friends, but that is all up to him.

Ego-Maniac Guy

Granted, ego-maniac could potentially describe just about any guy, but this one is in a class by himself. I met the guy on an online dating site. He looked cute, but had almost nothing on his profile, however the little he did include, I thought might show compatibility.

I started by sending him an email to the account he listed on the website. We emailed back and forth a little and then started IMing. I talked with him mostly at work, because I don't sit online once I get home.

Within the first conversation or two I realized I had no desire to meet the guy. First of all he didn't show any interest in me. He started by asking what I wanted to know about him, as if he was some wonderful mystery I was dying to learn about.

I started by asking him questions, thinking he'd then turn around and either ask me the same ones or at least ask different questions....but no. After talking for only 5 minutes on IM, he asked what I thought about him. I told him I really didn't know much yet. We talked a little more and then he went offline.

I thought our conversations might develop as he perhaps developed interest in me, and wanting to know about me. I may have a complete profile filled out, but it's not everything about me. I do have depth, which I quickly learned he had no interest in learning.

I felt like I had to fight with him to ask me anything. At one point I believe I wrote in all caps, demanding that he ask me anything. I couldn't believe the guy was so inept at basic socializing skills. Hadn't he ever had a relationship before? Did only talking about himself work in the past?

I would never find out those answers, because the only question he wanted to know was what I thought about him. It reminded me of the phrase "Enough talk about me; What do you think of me?" This guy should be on the poster for it. He even point blank asked me when I was going to get around to asking him out! I couldn't believe it! Was he joking? If he was, I thought one rude joke deserved another, so I asked "Would you like me to bring flowers and candy when I pick you up?". He replied, "No candy. It doesn't fit in my diet." Okay, now who was joking? Did he realize I was making fun of him or was he now making fun of me?

I told him I didn't think I knew him well enough yet, and then we started arguing over the fact that he really hadn't shown any interest in me. He defended himself by saying he was better in person. I doubt that. If you can't come up with few basic questions over a 30 min period of time over the internet, how are you going to come up with anything better in person? Conversation usually moves along quicker in person, buddy. I'm not sure you could handle it.

By the next week he'd stopped writing me and I eventually took him off my contact list and blocked him. Maybe there's a perfect mirror out there he could buy, and then he wouldn't have to hassle with conversation. Good luck, Pickupman (That better be what kind of vehicle you own and not a reference to your womanizing skills)!

Matchmaker Mom

Out of all the family and friends who have ventured to give me relationship advice, or who have tried to match me up, my parents have the worst ideas. They, like so many others, are well-intentioned and it might even start out sounding like a good idea, but as I've found it probably isn't.
Recently my mom attempted to set me up with one of my dad's employees. I have never met the guy, but from time to time my mom will talk about him, so I have some idea of what the guy looks like and where he's from. This particular evening, when we were having supper she became more insistent that I really did need to find some excuse to go to my dad's office to meet not only my "match" but Justin, who also is incredibly attractive, I'm told.

My mom begins to give more details about "Jon". Jon is an intern with my dad. He's from Holland and plans on returning when he's done with his internship in a few months. According to mom, he has the cutest Dutch accent. He's tall, is in good shape because he works out with Justin, very nice, dresses well and is just incredibly cute.

Okay, I'm seeing a few things here. First of all, he's my dad's employee! Is no one else noticing the potential disaster here? Second, he's moving to another continent soon. Who doesn't love a long, long distance relationship? Third, in order to meet him I'd practically have to stalk the guy. And fourth, although not a big deal, he's like five years younger than me...where in this is mom thinking "great idea"!?

My mom continues to insist that she or I will have to come up with a plan to get me over there. Then she goes on to tell me that Jon's only friend in town is Justin, and when Justin's out of town he has no one to keep him company...he has a fully furnished apartment and wouldn't it be nice if he had "someone" to go out with or stay in and watch movies with?

It now dawns on me that my mom isn't so much looking for my soulmate, she's just looking for me to hook up with someone!? My mother is trying to pimp me out to my dad's intern? Am I the only one that sees the wrong in this? I am not the "hooking up" type of girl, although this guy is evidently so hot that lowering my morals and my priorities just this once would be worth it...? And here I thought parents were supposed to look out for their children.

Side Note: Last summer both of my parents tried setting me up with Justin until they found out he was actually in a relationship. Oops! I guess employees don't always share their personal lives with their bosses and their spouses. Who knew?:-P

The conversation went on for a few minutes, and then finished with my mom and I brainstorming ideas on how I can meet Jon without it looking obvious, although I'd doubt that me showing up at my dad's office would cause everyone to think, "She's here to meet men." My guess is most people wouldn't care.

Bad Mouth Guy

I met Bad Mouth guy on an online dating site. He looked pretty cute. His profile was impressive and he seemed like a nice guy. We started emailing each other early in January. After almost a month he still hadn't asked me out, so I took the reigns and asked about meeting each other. It was then that he said he was in Texas, which is where he'd been deployed to, since he works with the Air Guard. He said he'd be there til the end of the month. That was fine, so we continued to email each other back and forth on a daily basis until he came back.

I told my friends about him and he seemed great. He emailed me every day and seemed pretty upbeat and positive about life, but then why wouldn't he be? He was golfing every day in warmth and sun. I was buried knee deep in snow with temps below zero most of the time. What I found a little disappointing was the depth of conversation and the range of topics we discussed. He didn't seem capable of talking about anything very important or significant. I realize it's difficult to keep a conversation going back and forth with a person you've never met, but I thought if we had anything in common we'd have something to talk about. I began to get the feeling we didn't. He only talked about outdoor sports and working on cars. Outdoors, sports, and cars don't even enter my vocabulary on daily basis much less all in the same sentence. I'm definitely more of an indoor, especially 8 months of the year when it's so cold.


By the time he came back to town,I had learned he no longer lived in town like his profile said, but instead lived 40 miles out of town. I'm not a country girl. Nonetheless, the Saturday before I call him to plan out the date for the next day. We were on the phone for about 3 min, in which I learned he would come and pick me up some time between 6-7pm, where we would go somewhere to eat, never mind that he still didn't have my address. Great. The next day he called at 6:30 where I decided to meet him at the restaurant instead of having him pick me up. I gave him three choices to choose from, in which he chose one and then asked about one that just happened to be the last restaurant on earth I'd want to go to. I told him I'd been to that restaurant too many times, so he agreed to the Olive Garden, where I hadn't been a long time.

It was when he showed up at the restaurant that I understood why he didn't smile in any of his pictures on myspace or facebook. He had incredibly crooked teeth and an offset jaw. Otherwise he was pretty attractive though. We had dinner and he asked me to go to a movie with him afterward, in which he decided to drive. I go to get in his car and find it absolutely filthy inside and out. As we're driving out of the parking lot he asks if I'd be terribly offended if he smoked. I told him that no I'd wouldn't be terribly offended. I do have relatives who smoke. I wasn't really sure how I would broach the subject that it certainly didn't impress me, and there was no way we'd ever kiss if he smoked this much. He explained that he smokes mostly when he's in the car or out with friends, but not all the time. Great, so if you're not in a public place you're smoking. That's healthy.

We had a second date a week and a half later in which I knew beyond a doubt we didn't belong together. I asked him why he moved so far out of town. I have always lived in a moderate sized town and when I go on vacation, enjoy visiting larger cities and enjoying the opportunities of shopping, restaurants and culture they offer that smaller areas don't. His response surprised me not only because of what he said but how he said it. He stated that he moved out of town because he "hated" living in town and couldn't stand it. He said it in such a tone that I felt like he was attacking me. I told him that I couldn't stand living in the country. There's nothing to do. This is when he pointed out that he could go snow mobiling, four wheeling or fishing whenver he wanted. I asked about just wanting to get out of the house and go somewhere. He said there was the grocery store and a restaurant nearby. Yikes! I was referring more to actual shopping and entertainment. I don't think I could deal with having the grocery store be where I "got out" to.

He came over to my apt after we left the restaurant, where we played some Wii Fit that he didn't seem to like very much. He was very unwilling to try anything other than the balance games. He then made a hasty getaway. I knew he worked the midnight shift, which doesn't start til at least 11 pm so I don't know, what he needed to leave at 9 for, but I wasn't about to get in his way. He toldme he'd talk to me on IM the next day, which he did for about 2 seconds, and then logged off. I haven't talked to him now for a week.